I was part of a Facebook group. You know, the ones that have themes for each day of the week. One day would be posts about gratitude, another about goals. Only one day each week could you promote your business, products or services. The theme I really struggled with was the ‘I deserve’ day. I found it hard to articulate that I deserved anything.
We don’t believe we deserve anything good
Part of this comes from growing up in a generation in which the notion of deserving anything good was quite foreign. If good things came our way it was the result of a lot of hard work. I learnt that I didn’t deserve anything good just for being a human being.
I certainly wanted good things and hoped for good things. However, living in an abusive marriage taught me that I didn’t deserve them. Much of what I received from my partner was couched in terms of subtle mocking or obstruction. Also, the withdrawal of affection and engagement at a personal level communicated that I didn’t even deserve to have the basic aspects of a good relationship. If I deserved them then they would be given to me. If they weren’t given then that must mean that I didn’t deserve them.
Those who’ve experienced abuse of any form in an intimate relationship know that their self-worth is severely undermined. Much time is spent focusing on their partner’s needs, wants and desires in the hope of keeping the marriage together and keeping it peaceful that they lose sight of what we want or desire. They learn fast enough that what they want, desire and need must come second (at best). And they know that those needs and wants may never be considered important enough to be addressed or met – and certainly not by the one who claims to love us but is, in fact, abusing us.
Rewrite the ‘I deserve’ story
So, one day in the Facebook group, I faced this long-entrenched belief that I don’t deserve anything. I wrote “#Ideserve to rewrite this story…watch this space!” Because that’s the choice we get. We all have old stories that play over and again in our minds, that influence our lives and the decisions that we make. Often, we’ve believed these stories for so long that we no longer question whether they are still helpful, or if they may in fact be detrimental to our lives.
And then I developed the Sassy Women’s Project, a coaching program designed specifically for women who have a backstory of abuse. In this program, women go through a number of steps, the first of which is release. There is release from the experiences of the past that have hurt and shaped us, and release from the expectations that allowed the hurtful experiences to be considered ‘normal’ and often kept us in the place of abuse. More than that, women move into being released into the new things that life has to offer, the new ways of looking at life and decision-making, and the new directions we can take.
What do you believe you deserve?
Do you believe that you deserve anything good? Are you convinced that any good you have in life must be earned the hard way?
It’s true. You do deserve what is good. You can rewrite your own #Ideserve story.
The first step is to download The Six Pillars of Thriving, the foundation of The Sassy Women’s Project -just use the from below.
The second step is to schedule a complimentary 30-minute coaching session. You can discover how you can step into all the good things that you deserve.